Ch. 2

Wow.

It has been almost 9 months to the day since I have written a blog post- and to be honest, I don’t feel like that is a coincidence. The way 9 months represents carrying a child- spiritually, emotionally and mentally the journey I have been on the last few months not only personally but even with Sequins + Paper feels very much like a rebirth.

In the same way that I left you with Chapter 1, starting Chapter 2 in itself represents turning a chapter in our personal lives- which is what brought me to even write to you today.

I had originally thought to share a quick update in my stories, but the more I went to write- the more I realized that what I had to say needed more space and reflection and more of a permanent place than a quick vapor that disappears in 24 hours.

A 25 month prayer was answered, which I did share in my stories. And now that it is public knowledge, and on today specifically, I knew I needed to gather my words and share what God has been doing in our lives with you.

Over the last 2 years, specifically since closing on my home, my income has become inconsistent and more on the decline. I have shared that before, and while I am not trying to focus on that I wanted to set the stage for you to understand where this prayer even came from that I am going to share with you.

Over the past 25 months, I have (along with my husband) prayed that God would provide for our family the opportunity for my husband to be blessed with a job that would cover all of our expenses so that Sequins + Paper could go back to what it used to be a few years ago- extra income to help fund projects or put money away in savings. Over the last year my husband has been applying for jobs that would fit our family needs, and over the last few months he finally started getting calls back from places and interviews started being scheduled.

He received a call back from the State in March that would require him to travel 5 days out of the week and he would only be here on the weekends. To paint you a picture - we lead a home bible study of married couples, are heavily involved in our church, and have several commitments that require a lot of time during the week for those. We know without a shadow of a doubt that this is where God has us, and instantly knew that this was most likely not even a job for my husband to accept. My husband called me and told me the news (this was on March 1st)- and I told him absolutely not - but I felt like the interview wouldn’t do any harm because it never hurts to see if he would be a good fit for a position somewhere else within the company, and if they liked him they would hold onto his resume.

That day, after getting off the phone with me he reached out to our connect group of married couples and told them about the job opportunity and asked them for prayer for guidance- since if he were to accept the position we wouldn’t be able to lead them like we have over the last 3 years. We received such an out pour of love and “Don’t do it! This is what you are called to do and God will open a door for you where you won’t have to sacrifice what He wants for your life.” It confirmed what we already knew and were feeling. That conversation sparked something beautiful- not only encouragement to know that these couples and friendships that we have built loved us just like we love them- but because we shared in that moment of vulnerability God used it to spark a network to move my husband onto what He has for him.

Almost a month ago my husband had his first phone interview with a company, It went so well they scheduled a second interview. That second interview went so well that they scheduled an in person third interview. Our hopes were rising. Could this really be happening? Could we finally be seeing the other side of what felt like an eternity to hoping and believing for things to turn around? My husband had his 3rd interview on Thursday, May 4th. We had our group of friends praying for us, and that weekend I told my husband “I was praying to God and I told him that the sweetest gift I could get for Mother’s day would be for you to get the job.”

Fast forward to Monday, May 8th, and I woke up so discouraged. It was one of those days where my soul was just exhausted of hoping. Prior to this job interview my husband went through another interview where we thought he was a perfect fit for the company and he found out a week later that it didn’t work out- the job was offered to someone else. I couldn’t help it- I broke down crying. We were on pins and needles hoping for a good call, but were told we would know at the end of the week (being the Friday that just past - May 12th). Our savings was dwindling, my shop income is still sporadic, and after two years of such a roller coaster on top of mine and my husbands current health issues we are having to work on - I felt like I was at my breaking point.

I couldn’t hold it in anymore and I poured my heart out to not only God but to my husband. I confided in him that if nothing opened up for him this month and we didn’t get a breakthrough that I was at the point that I wanted to just sell the house and move in with my mom just to we could get the stress off of our bodies and mind and just focus on our health and working to start over. As much as I felt like God truly blessed us with this home, and as much as the last 25 months were filled with financial miracles of God providing down to the day some months so our mortgage was paid every month- my mind and heart just needed rest. I craved the stability we once had. And as much as I knew deep within my soul that God is our provider- that morning the weight of the world just came crashing down on my shoulders and I didn’t feel like I had any faith left to do this another month. It felt like for 2 years I was walking through the wilderness like the Israelites of the old testament, and even though God was providing daily manna my soul was just weary of having to wake up and do it again without an end in sight.

The last two years spiritually have been hard for me. I was used to being the strong faith filled girl. I was used to being strong mentally. I was used to being the bubbly friend to inspire people and pull them up when they were down. I felt like I couldn’t recognize myself. Slowly I found myself in a place where I was the one that needed help and saving and I didn’t know how to process all these emotions that were foreign to me.I questioned a lot. How could I struggle to believe so much the faith that I had professed my whole life? Especially when after 2 years of hardship I still didn’t have to lose my home. Its like I was staring miracles in the face- yet my mind was screaming at me that it was all a lie and I couldn’t trust the promises of God like I had done so easily in my past.

So, that day- this past Monday- I allowed myself to weep. I came to a moment of real surrender. I laid out all my hopes and dreams to the Lord, expressed my frustrations, my fears, my sorrows and the hopes I was trying to cling to with all my heart. I reached out to a friend for prayer. I surrounded myself with worship music and just sat in His presence. Still no answers- but releasing all the expectations. I came to a point where if it had to come to the possibility where either I had to sell my house or try to find a different source of income than what I felt God lead me to do 8.5 years ago- then I was just going to follow whatever God led for me. I had to let go of everything I was carrying. My hands were tired and I just needed to rest in His lap.

March of 2022 God gave us a word from our bishop. A beautiful promise. One of breakthrough and hope. But for 15 months our circumstances didn’t seem to align with what was told to us. Have you ever gone through that? Where your promise doesn’t seem to match your reality? Yet no matter how much you question- there is this stillness deep down in your soul that pushes you to hold on because you know deep down that God is faithful- even when we don’t understand.

That was my Monday. So Tuesday I woke up, and was so grateful to feel better. You ever wake up feeling like the sun was shining just for you? That is how I felt. I went about my morning, was getting ready for home school and preparing breakfast for my kids. My friend I had reached out to the day before sent me some encouragement that morning and I was so grateful that I had peace compared to the day before. I thought to myself- “I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I trust that we can make it through it with God’s help like we have every day before.” At 8:52 a.m. I get a call from my husband. He had an appointment with the doctor that morning to have a follow up to see how his numbers were progressing and was approved for a medication so I thought I was getting an update. I answer the phone and he tells me “Happy Mother’s Day.” I was so thrown off? I was like “…Okay?” And then it hit me. I remembered the comment I told him about the prayer I made about his job. And I cried. He got the job! I can not even begin to express to you the instant weight that was lifted off of our shoulders.

After 25 months of waiting - our prayer was finally answered. His income will now cover all our expenses like we have prayed for. He will have the opportunity for advancement and be able to work hands on with people like he has desired. I get to continue to be a SAHM, home school my kids and continue to work at the rebirth of Sequins + Paper at a pace that works for me without the pressure to feel like I have to push things out so I don’t fail my family in providing for our bills. I can’t even tell you how liberating that feels. When we started this year we started the Dave Ramsey program with a close group of friends, and it has been the most frustrating feeling to want to just be able to work at being debt free but feel so stuck because you can’t really budget to the most potential without consistent income. I will finally be able to budget and start our debt snowball and work at being debt free. We sacrificed and cut back on so much over the last 2 years, and it positioned us in such a way that now we can move forward.

God brought back to my mind a text I sent my husband. I sent it to him on April 14, 2023. This was after we found out he didn’t get the job of his first interview and after his resume was sent out to more contacts for other positions. I told him":

“I am believing with you babe. Idk why I get this strong feeling, for a while now, that by June our lives are going to be so blessed and different. I feel like a change is approaching. Maybe this lead didn’t work out because where God wants you is in a different opportunity to where they are sending your resume. I know I gotta stand firm in faith that His no’s are also out of His goodness.’

You know what is beautiful? He starts May 30th. June he fully will be transitioned to his new job. God was reassuring me in my spirit before we even knew where any of this would lead. I cry when I see that. Because you guys- God is so kind. This journey has been a roller coaster for me. Some days I felt like my faith was so strong- just to be met with such doubt and disappointment and struggle with disbelief sometimes the very next morning. Some days the very next minute even.

Literally- from my darkest day to the next morning- God turned it all around. May 8th I felt like I couldn’t go on any further. I questioned. I cried. I grieved what felt like a promise that would never come to pass.That day giving up felt like the only wisdom and only hope for our reality. And first thing May 9th God brings us the answer to our prayer. The verse “Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning” immediately came to my mind after I got off the phone with my husband (Psalm 30:5).

I had to share this. I had to reflect. Because I couldn’t not acknowledge the work of God in my life. The last 2 years have grown my faith in ways I never thought I would experience. It has shown me where I was vulnerable. It was full of highs followed right by lows in what felt like such a cycle. But through it all God has showed me the power of HIS word and HIS promises. He has shown me that what He promises won’t fail. Because even through an income loss of 95% in 2022 compared to 2020- He still carried us through. We never lost our house even when we should have. We were still able to do some fun things every now and again. And it has been a reminder to me that no matter what I face- if He says it He will complete it. It has been a reminder that His word sustains me even when in my own power I can not sustain myself. It has pushed me to lean even more into my faith and why I believe what I do.

And I want to encourage you- if you are experiencing something similar- lean into Jesus. Even if what you face isn’t financial- if you are holding onto a promise that you know is from God, grip onto it. Hold onto it with your life. Protect your mind. Combat the enemy with the word and promises of God. Because He is faithful. There is a reason why God tells us “lean not unto your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” The last two years are nothing what I expected or envisioned when we entered into this new season of our lives. And honestly had I been able to see the future and know what I was getting into- it would have stopped me from taking the leap of faith that it took to get me here.

And I know and can see now that that is exactly why we were never meant to see and know all things. While the hard parts over the last 2 years of were not fun- had I avoided them if I had the knowledge of what I would have faced I would have also forfeited all of the beauty that went along with that pain. It is very much like childbirth. Yeah the laboring isn’t easy. It hurts. Its hard. It wears on your body. It leaves you exhausted and full of scars and sometimes you don’t get to “bounce back” like you were before. Oh, but to sacrifice the beauty to experience the love you would have towards your child for the sake of not wanting to know and experience that level of pain- what a sad trade off that would be. We only grow through pain. Even as children- when we go through growth spurts it causes pain in our bones. The stretching is not fun- but it is a vital part of the process. Without growth- we die. And how I am so thankful for not only the lessons over the last 2 years- but that through it I have been given the opportunity to see a gentleness in the love of God that I never had experienced before.

His kindness leads us to repentance. And I am so grateful that even in my questioning, in my pain, in my fickleness of human nature- His hand and promise never wavered over me. He brought it to completion just like He said he would. And He never stopped holding my hand in the process.

I am so thankful for a loving God that is relational towards us. For the heart of the Father that He has with us. And I am so grateful that I can share that with you too.

Thank you for reading Chapter 2. I am excited to write my life with God as He leads me one chapter at a time. I’m excited to finally turn the page and see what this next season has to offer us.

xo,

Nicole

Ch. 1

Over the last few months I feel like I have been beginning to re-find my voice. I have been praying and asking God for a fresh new vision for not only Sequins & Paper- but also in my roles as wife, mother, teacher, friend and everything else in between. I have not been silent to the fact how over the last year my business has really slowed down- and with that has come a lot of questioning and soul searching.

Like many entrepreneurs and creatives I had found myself many of times wondering if my time and place in this planner + stationery loving world was over. But every time I thought long and hard on closing my doors and looking for a source of income to help my family elsewhere- I would get a word of encouragement from you all. A response to a story, a very sweet review, or for many of you that I have grown to know and become friends you have left a sweet message of encouragement in my DMs letting me know how much something I said or did made a difference for you.

And it has reminded me why I even started this to begin with. To connect- with real human beings that I never would have the chance to meet otherwise. I have thought of all the dreams I have had as a child and as an adult:

Author.

Illustrator.

Magazine Editor.

Veterinarian.

Teacher.

Interior designer.

Professional organizer.

Event Planner.

Freelance artist…

There is so much that I want to do with my life. I (like I am sure so many of you) want my life to mean something. I want to live this life with purpose. I want to bring honor to God, I want to love my family, and even if it is just for one person- I want to make an impact and make a difference. And over the last few months I have been doing just that- I just didn’t realize it.

I may not be able to do all of those things I listed above professionally -but why can’t I start with where I am, and with what I have, and just because? I always wanted to be a Magazine Editor, so with my kits I incorporated that desire when I started them by the little Letter From The Editor that I include with them. I would love to be a professional illustrator for books or brands one day, but I love that I get to be the illustrator for my own designs and that everything I create is exclusive to my own business. I didn’t go for being a veterinarian in college like I planned in high school (I wanted acres of land and to save all the abused and abandoned animals) - but I have my two kittens that I can spoil and love with everything. I didn’t finish getting my teaching degree, but I turned that passion into serving my children and we are now a full time home-school family. I get to be the interior designer and organizer of my own home. I get to be my own event planner for my kids birthdays and our family holidays and I get to pour that passion into the Connect Group (aka home Bible Study) that we lead and find fun creative ways to make marriage and life enriching for the couples in our group.

Over the last year and a half I have had so many dreams for Sequins & Paper start to burn inside my heart. The tag line under my logo is more than just stationery - and little did I know how much that would mean to me now. I struggled with disappointment in myself for months because I felt like a failure as a shop owner because I didn’t have the resources to bring all my ideas to pass. I felt like I had to have all my ducks lined in a row and have it all done at once for it to be worth it and worth celebrating. But through loss and a year of re-learning what is important and what is my vision- I was reminded that all I have ever done is start where I am- and God has always made it enough.

So my vision and theme for 2023 going onward after navigating so much loss and change- is turn a new page. I am kicking off my 2023 line with my calendar planner card sets that are themed like a book. They will be releasing on Friday, August 19th at 8:00 am. And while I may not be a published author with a book written yet- I can start with where I am and who I am- and that is with one blog post at a time. And I will carry that same grace with me into my business and release what I can, bring new ideas to life as I am able, one page at a time. I got so caught up in the size of my steps, that I lost sight that regardless- I was still moving forward.

So here is to Chapter 1. I hope it leaves you inspired to keep going.

xo,

Nicole

A note..

Hello. xx.

Welcome to my blog. This little place of mine on the internet where I will be laying out my creative heart to those who wish to read it. When I tell you that making it to this space was a decade in the making.. I want you to know that I am in no way of exaggerating.

Over the last 13 years I have evolved from Blogspot, to Instagram, to Weebly, to Etsy, and now I am so excited that I have found a platform that is able to allow me to have one landing place for not only my thoughts and ideas that I wish to share with you- but also a way to have my shop and everything be all in one space.

While I can’t promise a special blog schedule, and specific content (I will always share what I am passionate about in the current season of my life), I am so excited to grow in this space with you. As an introvert I have always craved quality over quantity, community, and I am excited to be in a place in my life where I can hopefully bring both of those things to you.

Thank you for joining along! While I can’t commit to a specific posting schedule, I do want you to know that I am excited to have a place to engage and create more, and I am so grateful for your never ending love and support.

xo,

Nicole